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2 min read

A Day in the (Academic) Life: a Pastiche Written whilst Waiting in Vain for a Parcel to be Delivered on Time

(To be sung to the tune of the Lennon/McCartney song A Day in the Life)

Note: This was written on 2 August 2017 and as a result the topical news events I describe are dated by more than half a month. Given how fast the news cycle is just now, it feels like it has been ages since these stories. A lot has happened since then, and although I could tweak the lyrics to reflect the fact that America may be on the brink of nuclear war with North Korea, that 60 children died in a hospital in Gorakhpur because of a lack of Oxygen cylinders, the horror of the neo-Nazi rally at Charlottesville or the attack in Barcelona, I feel it would defeat the purpose of the song to write the lyrics literally from one day’s news. Not to mention, it would be painfully depressing to have to describe all these events again, and I would not be able to do so with adequate sensitivity and tact in what is meant to be a humorous pastiche. This would not be the right tone to address these events.

I read the news today, oh boy.
The Earth entered ecological debt.
It sounded like the world would end,
Well I just had to vent
Through a Twitter rant.
Trump had tweeted something mad.
Corbyn couldn’t see that Brexit tides had changed.
A horde of trolls gathered and cheered.
Vultures circled May
Nobody was really sure how long it was till she would go.
I checked Facebook, oh boy
Another couple went on holiday
Took a selfie in Côte d’Azur
It just goes to show
Places I’d never go
I’d love to turn this off.

Woke up, stuck in bed
Morbid haze throughout my head
Crawled into the kitchen and ate a bowl
And looking up, I noticed it was late.
Wore a robe, booted my Mac
Answered emails full of tact
Loaded Scrivener and stared into space.
The timer rang and I went into a dream.

I read the news today, oh boy.
800 women in Delhi for a thousand men
While this number was very small
It got no response at all.
Now the other cities also show a worrying fall
I’d love to turn this off.